The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) Page 4

  Chapter Seven

  Trying not to blink just in case my eyes open again to find him still in a coma, I just stare at Jake. “Becca.” I hear shuffling and a door closing from behind me. I turn and see that they’ve left me alone with Jake. When I look into his eyes and see that he’s staring at me with worry, I break into tears. He goes to put his arm on me and I push myself off the bed and move to the corner of the room. “What are you doing? I can’t touch you if you’re over there.” I shake my head profusely because I know I don’t deserve this. “I don’t deserve the comfort of your touch, Jake. I don’t deserve to be standing in this same room with you.”

  I hear the blankets move and Jake tries to sit up. He quickly gives up. “Becca, come here.” I shake my head at him. “Jake, I’m the reason you are in that bed. I’m the reason you almost died.” Jake just stares at me before he answers. “Becca, I love you. Stop this and come over here.” I back away towards the door and I see panic go across his face. His expression quickly changes to anger. I turn around and grab the door handle to reach my escape. “GOD, Becca! Why can’t you just let someone love you…” Jake never yells at me and this brings back the tears.

  “Because that got someone killed the last time. Then I fell in love again and it nearly killed people. My love is toxic, Jake. I’m toxic! Don’t you see that?” I’m barely able to catch my breath as I say the words that have been plaguing me for far too long. “My love kills people, Jake. You’d all be better off without me in your lives. I’ve been thinking, and I’m leaving, Jake. When this semester is done, I’m leaving, and I don’t think I’m coming back.”

  “Rebecca Potts, get your twiggy ass over hear right now!” I keep my eyes on the floor, hoping he’ll just let me walk away. I feel like all I do is cause them to be put in jeopardy. “Move it, Rebecca, or so help me, God, I will get out of this bed and pop all these stitches to get to you.” I sulk and start walking over to the side of his bed, but I don’t look at him. His hand tucks under my chin and pulls my eyes to him. I try and blink back the tears. I see that he has unshed tears in his eyes, causing what little power I’d had to control my emotions to fade. I begin to sob, standing next to the bed with Jake. I feel his hand leave my face. He grabs my arm and pulls me into the bed beside him. I feel guilty immediately for the comfort I’m feeling. “Jake, please let me leave. I just bring more trouble.”

  “Becca, what in the hell are you talking about?” I hadn’t told anyone about the note that was left under my door that I found this morning. I feel its presence in my pocket, causing this heavy burning feeling. I can’t tell him or he will worry. No one can know. I have to keep this from everyone. “Jake, you are hurting because of me. I love you and that almost got you killed. I won’t… I can’t… please, don’t make this harder than it already is.” I try to pull away but he won’t let go. “I go where you go, Becca, and don’t forget that. Whatever happened with Dillon, I would not let it change us. Keegan won’t either. Neither of us will blame for you for this. It wasn’t your fault. We both love you.” I jump out of the bed and push against the wall before Jake realizes I’m gone. “Becca, what?” I shake my head because I realize that no one has told Jake about Keegan. I slide down the wall and just keep rocking back and forth, unable to tell him the words I haven’t said it out loud. Saying it to Jake will make it real and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

  “ALEC!!” I vaguely hear Jake yelling but I can’t come out of this. When he finds out the damage has been permanent for Keegan, he will hate me for this. Jake will get better but there is no guarantee that Keegan will ever get that year and a half back. I feel myself being picked up but I know it’s not by Alec. It is Drake. “Breathe, Becca. Just take deep breaths.” I feel my chest tightening and my breath becoming uneven. I’m having an anxiety attack; I open my eyes and see Jake staring helplessly from his bed. His eyes tell the confusion and they narrow when Drake puts me on his lap in the chair beside the bed. “Drake, what are you doing? What’s going on? Becca hates you? Why did she freak out about Keegan? What the hell happened while I was…” I turn in Drake’s lap and look at him. “Do you want me to tell him, Becca?” I shake my head at Drake but my heart melts at his kindness. “I don’t hate Drake. We came to an understanding and got everything on the table. He’s also with Charlotte.” The tightness of Jake’s face turns to one of realization that there is nothing going on between Drake and I. Like I need another guy in my life right now to cause more chaos.

  I climb off of Drake’s lap and he gets up to follow me. “Are you okay?” I nod, knowing he is going to leave me to do this on my own. “I’ll be right outside if you need me, Becca.” He gives me a hug and a kiss on the top of my head, just like Alec would. Once he walks out, I turn to Jake and he’s almost angry looking. “So I must have missed something. Since when would you let Drake do that? You sure he’s with Charlotte?” I figure out why Jake’s angry and it surprises me. “What? Jake, are you jealous? There is nothing going on with Drake, God! The only reason we are this way is because of his sister and what you told him about me. He thought with everything going on that I may need a friend.” Jake’s eyes narrow on me again and I step back. It felt like he had pushed me with his eyes. “You are with Keegan anyways.”

  I look to the floor because I didn’t want to have this conversation. “No, I’m not, actually.” Peeking up, I see that Jake’s hand is outstretched to me and I grab it. “What happened, Becca?” Taking a deep breath before continuing, I’m hoping my voice doesn’t fail me now. “After the accident, you were unconscious, but so was Keegan. When he woke up… he didn’t remember the last year and a half or… me. Last he remembers, he was with Sarah. So that’s who he is with now.” I feel Jake push my hand away and I feel like I’ve been slapped. “That’s why you are not together then, right?” I’m in the bed with him before he can even process what I’ve done. “God, Jake, No. Don’t you see, Jake? It’s you. When everything went bad, I ran to you. Doesn’t that show anything?” He tries to push me away and I let him.

  “You’re here with me because he doesn’t remember you. If he did, you’d be with him right now and I’d be in here alone.” I turn and put my fist into the wall that is now in front of me. I hear Jake gasp and I’ve even shocked myself at my action. Drake comes rushing in the room and turns to try and understand what’s going on. “Get her out of here, Drake. She’s only here because Key doesn’t remember her.” At this, I walk over to the door, but Drake grabs me before I make it out. “Jake, you are wrong, man. It’s you. It always was you. Take it from me. I watched it happened. You two dumbasses may not have seen it but I did. Even Alec and Charlotte did. Stop the bullshit, Jake! This girl hasn’t slept in her own bed since the accident.” I see Jake’s eyes dart to mine with a confused look. “He’s right, Jake. It’s you. I just…” I can’t find my words and I just stop talking.

  “Jake, you’re going to listen to what Becca has to say and you’re going to believe her. This girl loves you, man, and more than she should with all the dumb shit you’ve done.” Drake turns and walks out, giving us privacy again. “If you had to choose between him and myself before all this shit changed and all this craziness happened, who would it have been?” Jake is looking at me and I wish I had some answers for him. “I can only tell you what I was coming home to tell you, but things have changed, Jake. I can’t give up on Keegan either. I love him, but… I love you more. You’re the reason I ran. When I saw you with Kristy, I couldn’t deal with it. I’d just done what I had with Keegan and I just… It was wrong. It shouldn’t have been Keegan, but we had all this history with Dillon and you kept telling me you weren’t in love with me. You kept pushing me to Keegan. I know you are not in love with me, Jake, but… Well, I am undoubtedly in love with you.”

  “And Keegan, how do you feel about Keegan?” I sigh because he’s skirted over the fact that I love him. It pains me because I know he doesn’t love me back the same way. “ I love Keegan and you know that, but I was coming home t
o end things with him. It wasn’t the right time for us.” Jake looks at me with questioning eyes. “Whose time is it then, Becca?” Jake is not able to look me in the eyes and I feel the sting of rejection. “No one’s, my love is broken. I’m broken. But I can’t leave Keegan behind either. I will be his best friend; I will help him find his place. But his place isn’t with me. No one’s is.” I see the hurt cross Jake’s face and I realize my mistake right away. “Jake, I mean romantically. You’re my best friend and that’s never going to change.”

  “What if I want that to change?” I feel like I’ve been hit by a car and I can’t catch my breath. “Jacob, please don’t say that. I need my best friend. I need you. I can’t lose you too. Please don’t leave me alone. I’m sorry. This entire thing is my fault and I know I shouldn’t have you in my life after the danger I put you in. If I were smart, I’d leave now because I’m still putting you in danger. I feel like if I walked away now, my heart would always be here… here with you. I know you don’t feel that way and that’s fine, but I can’t lose my best friend. Jake, please don’t do this to me.” I look up to see him smirking at me. “Becca, come here.”

  I make myself walk the short distance to him and he grabs my hand, pulling me to sit beside him. I look down, unable to keep eye contact with him. He undoubtedly is about to break what little piece is left of my heart by telling me he doesn’t want to be my friend. I feel his hands go on either side of my face and he pulls me down towards him. He lightly kisses my lips and I feel at first like it’s a goodbye. Then suddenly it gets more heated as he presses his lips with more force and I let myself go. I bring my hand into his hair and kiss him with everything I have. Trying to put every ounce of love I have for him into it because this is all I’m ever going to get with Jake. “Becca.” He whispers my name against my lips and I pull back, feeling the sting of rejection coming.

  “Jesus, Becca. Just relax, okay? You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.” I go to slide off the bed but he grabs my hand. “Goodbye, Jake.” He doesn’t let go of my hand and I turn to look at him with tears in my eyes, streaming down my face. “Becca, are you really that dumb. I’ve loved you since I saw you by the lake when you visited Alec. You drew me in hook line and sinker at that very moment. I told you all those times that I wasn’t in love with you because I thought it’s what you wanted to hear. I’d rather have you in my life as my friend than nothing at all. I’d still rather have that, even if it were not what you wanted. I know right now that you are lost and I’m lost too, Becca. We need to heal but when we’ve healed, I want to be with you. I want you to choose me and have no doubt that you want it to be only me.” I nod. Jake loves me? Maybe I am that dumb since I didn’t see it.

  “We will get Keegan better, you will deal with all this, and I will get to leave the hospital. You will not feel guilty, Becca. I won’t let you. Keegan wouldn’t want you to and I don’t want you to. I know we’d both do it again and get in that car to protect you, even knowing that this is going to be the outcome. I’d die for you, Becca. If I remember correctly, you didn’t care much about your safety that night, only ours. So is it so crazy that we’d feel the same way?” Clearing all this with Jake makes things easier. “I only slept with Kristy because I heard Keegan talking about what his plans were for the night. I wanted to punch him and go all cavemen, dragging you out of there. I’m sorry, Becca. Wait… where did you sleep this whole time?”

  “Really, Jake, you have to ask? I was here with my bed buddy every night the doctors would allow me to be, which was every night, except when you were in recovery. Don’t you see, Jake? It’s you. I love you, Jacob Kelso, always have, and always will. This isn’t going to be an easy road, but I’ll do whatever I have to do to be with you and deal with everything head on. I know if I can get out from under my past we can maybe make this work and be together.” I feel his hand squeeze mine. “Not maybe. We will work this out, Becca.” For a minute, I let my heart feel his words. The weight of the note in my pocket soon brings the reality that I’m not safe to be around crashing back down.

  “No, wait… Jake, no… I can’t, it’s not safe. Being around me is asking for trouble. Look at my track record. One dead boyfriend and one with no memory. I won’t put you in danger too.” Jake is watching me as if he’s trying to figure out what’s going on. “Dangerous? No, Becca. What are you talking about?” By instinct, I put my hand over my pocket to protect it and to protect him from it. “Becca, what’s in your pocket?” If anyone should see this, it’s Jake. Maybe it will make him see how dangerous I really am to be around and he will let me go, because that’s the only way I’m getting out of this room. I reach in and pull out the note, placing it in Jake’s hand.

  “He may not have finished the job, but I will.”

  Chapter Eight

  “Becca, What the hell is this?”

  “I don’t know, Jake. I found it under my dorm room door.”

  Jake looks at me and I can see he’s skeptical. “And is this the only one you’ve gotten?”

  I try and put on my big girl face to show I’m not scared but I know I’ve already played my cards by telling him I’m dangerous to be around. “Jake, it’s probably just someone trying to screw with me.” I already can see that he isn’t buying my brave act.

  “Becca, I hope you are right, but if you are not, I will always save you.” I slip onto the bed beside him, bringing my hand to his face. When my hand makes contact with his cheek, he leans in. I feel the warmth that has returned to his body rub against my skin. “But who will save you, Jake? I’m not going to let you get hurt again.”

  “As long as you’re safe then I am saved, Becca.”

  * * *

  The last three days that I’ve spent with Jake, I’ve seen Sarah in the halls going to see Keegan but I haven’t gone to see him. Sarah hasn’t come to see Jake again. It’s probably because now that he’s awake, he’d tell her to get out. Drake and Charlotte have been attached at the hip and have been here every night. Alec hasn’t really said much to me but he is continuously staring at me all the time. I feel like he wants to say something but doesn’t. He has been spending a lot of time with Keegan and I think that guilt is bothering him because he feels torn. Jake is getting to go home in a few more days and he is adamant that he goes where I do. My brother hasn’t asked where I’m going but I can’t live with Keegan and see him falling into Sarah’s games.

  “Becca, can I talk to you?” I turn from Jake, looking to Alec with a puzzled look. I look to Jake silently asking if he told my brother about the note but he just shakes his head. “I don’t think this is the right time, Alec?” Drake seems to know that whatever is about to happen, I’m not going to like. I can’t just not talk to my brother. “Sure, I’ll be right back.” With that, I turn from Jake. As I walk, his hand slides out of my fingers and I hate the lack of our touch. Once we get out into the hall I expect him to talk to me, but he just puts his arm around me and leads me further away from Jake’s room.

  “Becca, I know you don’t want to hear this but we have to talk. It’s about Keegan. I’ve asked him to move out…” My heart plummets and I take a step back. Keegan has lost so much and now he’s losing his home although it’s not like he remembers the house. “And, well, he’s agreed.” The sting still hurts from knowing I won’t see Keegan around anymore. “I’d like you to consider living with me, but if you don’t want to, that’s fine. But your room will still be there for you. Keegan is moving into his own place in the apartments across the street from our house, and not with Sarah.” I can tell he’s added the last part for my benefit but it doesn’t lessen the blow.

  “Keegan’s is being released today.” I don’t look at my brother but continue to look out the window. I’ve now found out that it gives me an escape from all this. “Becca…” I knew he was going to be released. I just hoped he’d get his memory back first. “Becca... He’s asking to see you.” Hearing that, my eyes snap from the window to my brother’s face. I can tell immedia
tely that he’s not asking because he remembers me. “I don’t think I can do that, Alec, Why does it matter anyway? It’s not like he knows me. He just has some misplaced guilt about everything that’s happened. He feels he needs to see me and say words I don’t want to hear. Just tell him that it’s fine and I’m fine. Everything is fine, okay?”

  I hear my brother make a sound that almost comes off like a growl and I see that he’s furious to my response to him. Oops! “REBECCA POTTS, you are going in there and you’re going to let him say what he needs to. That’s Keegan in there not some nobody! He has been there for you and you damn well are going to be there for him in whatever capacity he needs. He… God, Becca, he needs you even if he can’t remember. I know I have no right to ask this of you or to involve myself but I can’t help it. I need you to wait. Don’t move on with Jake yet. Please just give Keegan more time. If he wakes up from all this and realizes that he’s lost you, I don’t know what will happen.”

  “He loves you and I know you love him. I know you love Jake too, so just wait. I know Jake will wait because, just like Keegan would, he wants you to make the best decision for yourself. They both want you to be happy and they are both willing to settle with just being friends to have you in their lives. Just be Keegan’s friend, that’s what he needs right now.” I shake my head, feeling the weight of tears in my eyes.

  “He doesn’t need my friendship. He doesn’t remember me.” I feel my brother’s fingers swipe away the tears that have now started to fall down my cheeks. “Becca, he might not remember you but he feels the loss of your presence. It’s time to show him that what he feels he’s missing isn’t gone. It is just broken and it can be repaired, I promise.”